I was reviewing old blog entries from another website my husband, Gordon, and I created a few years ago and decided to re-post some items here as I think they’re applicable to the principles of Emotional Air.
This particular one really struck me as, once again, I’m actually in Georgia visiting my family, so my ‘heritage’ is ever present in my thoughts. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it while reminiscing about my little neighbor, Stevie.
From July 2010…
Today, I’m penning this blog from Georgia where Gordon and I have come to visit with my mom and family in celebration of her 80th birthday (which was this past Saturday) as well as my sister’s birthday (she may not want me to say which one!) this past Monday.
While out running errands today, I happened to be stopped at a light behind a car with a vanity plate titled “SMACKEN”. Now for those of you NOT from the South, that term may not mean much. But it immediately took me back to my childhood and a precious little neighbor boy named Stevie.
One day, many years ago, when Stevie was just about 4 years old, he happened to catch my dad taking a sandwich break while out cutting the grass. Stevie, being a neighborly and inquisitive child, came over to see what my dad was doing.
My dad had the bad habit of chewing with his mouth open and as little Stevie watched him eat his sandwich, he decided it was time to remind him of the importance of a Southern gentleman’s manners. So he informed him in no uncertain terms that smacken’ was impolite, or in Stevie’s words…”Mistah Mahtin, it’s not polite to smack.”
That happened over 45 years ago, but like a song or a picture or sometimes, a simple word has the power to do, I was immediately transported back to a simpler time. And I smiled. I am, and will always be, a Southerner. It’s a central part of what makes me ‘me’, sort of like my DNA.
Yet I’m reminded of how often I’ve tried to overcome my southern drawl, or twang, so that I didn’t stand out from others around me. What I’ve learned since has taught me why that was a mistake for me.
I’ve learned the importance of embracing the events, the people, the places and the culture that became part of my early DNA and formed ‘Sherry’. I’ve learned the good, the bad and all the ‘in-between’ contributed to the person I’ve become. And if I’m happy with who I am now, then why try to excise any part of what made me who I am. If I can simply accept myself, warts and all; then others are much more likely to accept me as well.
On the flip side, if I’m not happy with some aspect of who I am, I can still embrace and accept how I became who I am, without guilt or shame, while also choosing what I’d like to change. Then it’s up to me to decide if it’s important enough to my goals to make any changes.
It never serves us to blame, shame or hide.
Blaming others in our past or blaming our past circumstances gives us an excuse to NOT change because it has a tendency to absolve us of any responsibility for our current circumstance.
Feeling shame for what happened in the past, either as a result of our own choices or the choices of others, also gives us an excuse to NOT change because it, too, absolves us of responsibility.
Hiding behind our past mistakes or circumstances also keeps us stuck, square in the past, and keeps us from living in the present, or moving towards a future of our dreams.
All three, blaming, shaming and hiding, keep us a victim of our past. If you truly want a different life for yourself, no one but YOU can make that happen. You have to make a conscious choice to move from victim to victor. You have to forgive yourself for your past mistakes and instead of being victimized by them, choose to learn from them….then choose what you want to keep and what you want to change.
Embrace your heritage, embrace your mistakes as well as your good choices. Look at what you’ve learned as a result of both your heritage AND your mistakes that you might not have learned otherwise. Treasure the tools you now have access to as a result of your past decisions that you may have previously regretted. Then use them to create the life of your dreams.
So for me…I am, and will always be, a southern gal. I am a GRITS (Girl Raised In The South). I DO speak with a southern accent and it DOES become more pronounced when I visit or call home. My mom still calls me ‘sugah’ and we all still hug and kiss when we greet or depart, even for the day.
It is who I am and I now embrace my southern heritage, even IF my husband and life partner is a bonafide Yankee from New York! We jokingly cherish our own little North versus South ‘civil wars’ and have learned to embrace our differences, both from our natural personality differences as well as our upbringing.
Those differences have woven together over the years to create the beautiful tapestry that has become our marriage partnership and that is something we both cherish. The differences in our varied backgrounds and our ability to embrace them in each other instead of wanting to change them is what has created that beauty. And it’s taught us to embrace differences in others and find pleasure in helping others find their own authenticity.
We’d love to hear your thoughts and challenges, so please post your comments below.
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